SEARCHING

 

 

Loneliness has taken over me. I am searching for answers. So many misunderstand me. I have been many things and experienced allot. I am complex and distorting to others. A WHIRL WIND!!!  I AM AN ARTIST!!! Fun and Freaky!!! I noticed people either love me or hate me. No in between. The ones who do love me always suck me dry. What is it about me that creates people to leach? I try so hard to make the best of my life! I ponder why nothing works out or why the problems find me? I have to hide half of who I am half the time. I am so sick of it I decided to give the world my all. I change and get shit from someone else. Why do we have to live for others? Whatever happened to living for yourself? I am my own savior… I have fears that scare people away. I like things that most do not. I do not judge unless judgment is due!!! My life is tainted and I am done. If you don’t like me!!! RUN AWAY!!! I give my pinky and the World wants my whole arm!!! I am scarred and wounded from society. My faith was raped!!! I beg the Universe for help. I am to spiritual for most to understand me. It is a gift and a curse. It depends how I use it. Sometimes I am hidden and sometimes I am put in the spot light. People FUCKING DECIDE what you want from me. I do not hide!!! What u see is what you get. Like I said run now I may scar you!!!

12/2/2007

SUBLIMATION OF FEAR

SUBLIMATION OF FEAR

 

I HAVE BEEN CONFRONTED WITH A NEW WORLD, A NEW WAY OF SEEING AND OF BEING SEEN!

 I AM TIRED OF THE ORDINARY AND HAVE THE STRENGTH TO SUBMERGE INTO THE UNKNOWN.

THIS IS MY TRUE COURAGE AND CONQUEST!

 I WILL ALLOW MY SUBLIMATION OF  FEARS TO GUIDE MY WAY.

 I AM ALLOWING MY HEART TO OPEN TO THE RISKS OF VULNERABILITY AND JOY.

I SHARE THE EMOTIONS OF A CHILD AFRAID OF THE DARK AND THE STRENGTH OF JOAN OF ARC!!!

 I AM AN ANIMAL BY NATURE, WITH RAGE AND COURAGE.

I AM LEARNING TO TRANSCEND WITHIN THE MUNDANE WORLD!

 MY EMOTIONS AND ENERGY ARE INTENSE!!!

BEWARE I MAY SNAP!

I AM CHOOSING TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR MYSELF AND FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN ME…

HAPPINESS HAS HIT ME AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO REACT.

I MUST TAME MY IMPATIENT TENDENCIES THAT SOMETIMES HIT!

I KNOW WHAT I WANT FOR THE FEAR OF LOSING IT!!!

MY PAST HAS BRUTALIZED THE WAY I REACT!!! TORTURED, REVENGED, STABBED IN THE HEART…

YOUR KARMA WILL GET YOU THREE FOLD BACK!!!

TRUST ME FOR I HAVE PAID MY KARMIC DEBT!

I SEE THE LOVE AND PAIN WITHIN MY NEW WORLD.

I REFUSE TO LET IT TURN COLD.

I AM LEARNING TO FLY AND REFUSE TO COME BACK DOWN.

I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND HOLD THE HAND OF THE ANGEL WHO HAS  CREATED ALL OF THIS.

WITH DAMAGED WINGS AND THE SMILE OF A GOD, I SUBMIT TO THE FLIGHT!!! I FEEL THIS IS THE INFINITY THAT HAS BEEN SEARCHING FOR ME.

WHAT HAS DIED HAS BEEN RE-BIRTHED INTO MY NEW REALITY!!!

MY FEAR OF LOVE IS SUBSIDING EACH DAY..

LOVE DOES NOT COME FROM WORDS, IT IS A FEELING FROM AN UNKNOWN SOURCE.

WHEN IT CANNOT BE EXPLAINED I PROMISE IT IS REAL!!!

EACH MISTAKE IS A LESSON FOR THE NEXT.

WE BECOME WISER WITH MORE INTENSE INTENTS.

SOMETIMES WE NEED TO JUMP FROM THE TOWER BURNING DOWN.

WE NEED TO RELEASE OUR FEARS AND TRUST THAT OUR STRENGTHS WILL NOT LET US HIT THE GROUND.

BELIEVE IN THE UNKNOWN AND ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT!!!

MANIFESTATION IS REAL SO BE CAREFUL OF YOUR THOUGHTS.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE MENDING OF MY WINGS.

I AM LEARNING TO FLY AGAIN WITH RAPID SPEED.

HAVE FAITH IN WHAT YOU WANT, FOR IT WILL BE GIVEN.

I ASKED FOR MY HEART TO HEAL AND FOR THE EVILS TO GET OUT.

I REALIZED WHO I CAN TRUST FOR THE WORDS SPOKEN FROM OTHERS MOUTHS.

JEALOUSLY IS REAL AND CAN BRING ONE DOWN.

AS I’VE BENN RECENTLY TOLD!!!

 BE CAREFUL!!!

 I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU GET HURT!!!

 DON’T LOOK TO DEEP!!!

 IT MAY NOT LAST!!!

FOR ALL WHO HAVE SAID THESE THINGS TO ME, GET THE FUCK OUT!!!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I HAVE INCURRED WITHIN MY PAST; THEREFORE, HAVE NO RIGHT STATING THOSE JUDGMENTS UPON ME…

I DESERVE ALL THAT IS IN MY LIFE WITH HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT…

 I NEED TO WRITE THIS FOR MY SPOKEN WORDS ARE NOT HEARD…

I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND CONTENT!!!

I OWN WHO I AM; THEREFORE, YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME FOR YOU.

I WISH NO HARM FOR THOSE I SHUT OUT!!!

I JUST CANNOT GIVE MYSELF TO EVERYBODY ELSE.

I HAVE DEDICATED MY WORLD TO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR ME…

IF YOU THINK I AM A BITCH, PETTY OR RUDE, YOU WERE NEVER MY TRUE FRIEND; THEREFORE, YOU'RE NOT MEANT FOR ME!!!

IF YOU LIE UPON LIE, IT IS NOT MY PLACE TO COVER FOR YOU!!!

BE HONEST TO WHO YOU ARE AND THE TRUTH WILL NEVER HURT YOU!!!

I HAVE CHANGED AND AM PROUD OF WHAT I HAVE DONE!!!

I REFUSE TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED AND WILL HELP THE DESERVING TRUE SOULS.

 I AM A NATURALLY EMPATHIC SO I FEEL IT ALL…

I HAVE WEEDED MY GARDEN AND NOW IT IS CLEAN!!!

I LOOK FORWARD TO THIS NEW WAY OF LIFE THAT HAS BEEN CHOSEN FOR ME…
1/12/2008
 

Old Blog.....

I appreciate all who have taken away a teaching or an epiphany from my writing…

I write from my truth and am blunt to you all…

To understand my words you must look deep…

Stop living on the superficial surfaces and get real!!!

Open up your eyes!!!

There are signs all around…

Answers to your thoughts just lying around…

I have experienced allot!!!

So what if I am depressed!!!

HELL ON EARTH!!!

JUDGMENT DAYS TO COME!!!

KARMA RETURNS!!!

These are cycles one must overcome in the eyes of the UNIVERSE!!!

I choose to live in reality and not the fake.

I refuse to waste time and play games…

My intuition is strong ;therefore, my patience wears thin!!!

I refuse to live my life sleepwalking or amongst others who choose this way…

We know far more than we know we know!!!

I have entered my shadowy and unknown spaces…

Most fear to travel these places within themselves!!!

Words are limited; therefore, we must learn how to feel more!!!

I have owned my life forever “REMEMBER THAT”

I am offered keys into my life, it is up to me to turn them!!!

Through revelation and experience is what leads me into the future…

I refuse to recycle my baggage!!!

I have changed so don’t try to hard to figure me out!!!

If you don’t understand, give up!!!

I may become a sudden train wreck!!!

It is all or nothing I have come to realize that…

MELANIE

 

ABUNDANTLY BEAUTIFUL TEARS!!!

 

 

The beauty of water so cool and healing…

Running through my hands and down my body…

I drink its coolness with hope and healing…

A gift from the great Mother most take for granted!

My tears flow regularly down my cheeks…

Fear comes from others when they see my emotional release…

I feel gifted I can heal with the water that come out  from within…

I honor my tears with joy and bliss…

Water is the fluid of transformation!

Our lives are usually in a content or frantic state?

We need both to realize what we feel emotionally…

Tears of joy!

Tears of sadness!

Tears help us feel; therefore, heal!!!

Humanity needs to release and remove the taboo of emotions!!!

As the water flows from a natural water fall over my body, I feel alive!!!

I run to it with excitement for all it will heal…

I thank the water for removing many pains from my life…

Water is a rush as is life…

It can remove negative with a blast…

Even the most tragic storms have healing in the end…

The Universe has its master plan…

Open your emotions and you may catch my drift…

Love, Melanie

May 1, 2008